Everyone can see my sweat stains on my shirt.
He’s going to notice the scar on my cheek.
She’ll probably realize I don’t make tons of money and stop going out with me.
Does this sound like you? Do these inner thoughts inhibit your every day actions?
Having these thoughts isn’t unusual.
In fact, the belief that you’re on everyone’s mind is called the Spotlight Effect.
We believe that we are getting twice as much attention on us than we actually are. This is more prevalent when we have mishaps in social situations.
Looking back to my early adult years, I had a difficult time forming friends in college. I moved to a different state for college and didn’t know anyone at the time and I remember listening to my inner critic a lot.
My distorted perception ultimately robbed my college years.
In all reality, people are more concerned about themselves and won’t notice that you spilled your drink or chipped your nail and ruined your manicure.
I know from my experience, I always censored myself around others. I had a difficult time living up to my potential before I found the one key to help me overcome my self-consciousness.
The one thing I learned, is to ask a simple question. This question is universal and can be asked for any negative thought you have about yourself. The question is,
That’s right. Ask yourself that question next time you think,
This dress makes me look fat.
Does he really think I’m boring?
Doesn’t that feel good? Who cares what others think about you? Everyone is only thinking about themselves and not you, so it doesn’t matter.
When you make this conscious shift in perception you’ll start to feel:
When you can finally understand that there is no need to be self-conscious, you’re life will feel much better.
In fact, you will feel liberated. There is nothing holding you back.
Who cares if you didn’t have time to wash your hair the night before and you have a business meeting in 10 minutes?
Who cares if you have spaghetti on your shirt because your daughter decided to wipe her hand on your shirt?
These little things don’t matter in the big picture.
Once you have this new habit of asking yourself, So? it will soon take over.
You will feel empowered about who you are and stop questioning yourself if you’re ever good enough.
Friends and family will start to notice you carry yourself a little taller and you no longer apologize when given a compliment.
Having this one question in your back pocket will give you a boost in confidence like you’ve never had before.
Sure, people will be rude to you and make mean comments, but it will no longer penetrate you and make you feel like a horrible person.
All you have to do is ask yourself, So?
Next time your mother-in-law says,
Oh, I liked your hair when it was longer
Think to yourself, So? I don’t care what you think.
Why not give it a try yourself? Next time someone says something negative about you, brush it off with a So?